*The article has been reproduced below for your convenience
Imagine waking up one morning to find you can't remember the most simple of
tasks -- things like brushing your teeth, combing your hair or even feeding the
dog are suddenly major obstacles.
For a year, this has been my
life. I have been in recovery from a significant concussion. I am not in the NFL
nor do I play contact sports. I am 28, and on February 19, 2012, I happened to
be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
A Kentucky state trooper later
said it was the fastest snowstorm she had ever seen hit the area as whiteout
conditions from a freak blizzard rendered roads treacherous within minutes.
I was traveling on a highway in
the Blue Ridge Mountains when my car hit a patch of black ice, skidded across
three lanes of traffic and crashed into a median. I walked away from the
accident thankful -- thinking I was fine. But a week later, the real injuries
crept in.
I was nauseous. I couldn't sleep.
My mind felt foggy; every sound hurt, and every ray of light pierced my
eyesight.
A friend encouraged me to go to
the doctor because she suspected I had a concussion. I mistakenly thought
concussions only happened to people who lose consciousness.
When I was finally diagnosed, I
resisted my doctor's order to rest my brain. I felt it would get better if I
could push through the pain.
I was wrong. I couldn't even
follow conversations -- I would just blurt out comments that I never meant to
speak aloud. I was living with a brain on delay.
At first my only reprieve was
music. I had always enjoyed music, but now it was a concrete, tangible object.
For hours, I would just lie in bed and listen. I couldn't stand rock music
anymore; it felt like nails on a chalkboard. But the jazz melodies of Billie
Holiday and the lush symphonies of Beethoven were like a visceral experience for
me. It felt like I was really hearing music for the first time.
And yet I will never forget that
feeling of utter devastation as I gazed into my computer screen. I was a
journalist, a graduate student, and a writer, but I could not read a basic
declarative sentence. The words just didn't make sense to me. My brain wanted to
read in the direction up to down instead of left to right.
Overnight, my life became a
series of doctor's appointments, therapies and medical procedures. Most
concussions heal within a month of the injury, but mine didn't. Even worse, my
doctors had few answers as to why. Dr. Wendy Wright, a neurologist who has not
been involved in my care, said the medical field is still evolving in treating
mild traumatic brain injuries such as concussions. She said they often do not
show up on standard medical tests such as MRIs.
As each day passed and I didn't
get better, a fear began to grow. How would I take care of myself? What would my
future look like? I feared asking for help, being a burden to others and failing
to meet expectations. I hated how this "borrowed" brain made me feel -- weak,
dependent and vulnerable.
My sense of balance and
coordination were lost. Things that had been second nature were now challenging
tasks. Friends had to help me with everything -- from driving to typing e-mails
to cleaning my room. My roommate put a rule in place that I couldn't cook while
she was gone because I couldn't be trusted to remember to turn off the
stove.
Life is fragile. A single moment
can change your life in ways you never imagined. So much of my identity was
wrapped up in my ability to perform. My brain injury forced me to ask the
question -- who am I, if not for my capacity to succeed?
We live in a society that values
doing, but I had to learn to find peace in being. I was only able to finish
graduate school on time because of friends who volunteered to type my term
papers as I verbally relayed the information. At work, I completed tasks with
the help of co-workers.
I have come an incredibly long
way. Doctors say I am now at 85%, yet each day I am also confronted with a sense
of loss. It turns out this borrowed brain is actually my new one. My doctors do
not know how much more I will recover. I live with chronic migraines, and some
tasks, such as reading books or focusing on conversations, are still extremely
difficult.
I am undergoing
neuropsychological testing, which gives a more complete picture of brain
functions such as memory and attention. Yet without a picture of how I was
before my accident, doctors may not be able to create a clear picture of how I
have been affected.
Overcoming a concussion is like
waking up from a dream. The person I was before the accident is gone, and I am
still trying to settle into my new identity. This fall, I hope to begin a
residency as a hospital chaplain. My injury has given me a deeper sense of
compassion, especially for people in pain.
Though I cannot say it has been
an easy journey, I can say this with all certainty: This past year I have been
given the gift of perspective, and for that I am thankful.
While A Mind of Its Own sparks you to look down own our brains in some ways, it still portrays it as the smartest, most important organ in your body. This article, from CNN, details the life of a woman that had the luxury of a perfectly working brain was taken away from her.
The simple suggestion of not being able to listen to music, cook, or (gasp) read, ignites fear into my mind. I suffered these side effects on a milder scale when I was in middle school. I got extreme migraines on a regular basis that made me sick to my stomach. Anything could trigger these painful headaches: a loud noise, bright light, a strong smell, or being pushed too hard in the hallways. The only thing that helped me was taking eight Ibuprofen and lying in a silent, dark room until I fell asleep.
After surgery to correct my scoliosis did the headaches finally disappear. Having been bedridden for a month, and in recovery for three more after that, I appreciate my physically able body more than the average person might, but I never have given my now fully functioning brain into such consideration.
I am sincerely grateful that Corley has recovered so well and her outlook on the situation is moving.